The beating of terrible wings herald their arrival By: Reverend   Mar 01-2005 I know how to make one mean sandwich. First, I start with a fresh loaf of Dempster's whole wheat bread. Choosing hearty bread is important, because plain white bread is lacking in taste, texture and nutrients. I pick Dempster's because the late astronomer Sir John Herschel visited me in a dream and told me that that brand has profound connections to the mysterious lunar temple he discovered in the year 1835. Next, I spread heart-smart Becel margarine across both pieces of bread, followed by light Miracle Whip. It is important to remember to form the octagram of the Vespertilio men with the Miracle Whip. This sign is a powerful anti-cholesterol charm, and it's wise to pay homage to those slain in the Great War between the Vespertilio and the more primitive races of the Moon. Lettuce is an important sandwich-making standby, but sometimes I like to shake things up a little. Instead, I'll use Swiss chard, beet greens, or the various lichens that can be collected from around the base of the conical lunar hills. These lichens, which come in a wide variety of colours, really add personality to your sandwich and taste great. Are we getting hungry yet? I have often asked myself, how are the unicorns, which make their home among the shattered red crystal mounds, linked to lilac hued quartz pyramids? The male unicorn's horn is a darker shade of blue than the rest of its body, and is made of a material that closely resembles the pyramids. Surely these spires aren't a natural phenomenon! The great artificers who seeded all worlds with life didn't act randomly, and I don't believe in coincidence. Do you prefer dill or sweet pickles? For me, it really depends on the sandwich meat I'll be using. Sweet pickles go better with things like turkey, chicken, or ham. Dill pickles, a personal favorite of mine, work well with the meat of the lunar bison. These bison are smaller than their Earth-bound counterparts, and produce a tasty meat with a slight bitterness. Always keep in mind, however, that those who poach the Vespertilio's bison are rarely seen again. The more primitive lunar men harvest milk from these bison, and are often willing to exchange modern items for the cheese they make from it. The milk has a light blue hue, and the cheese is a darker blue. It's great on a sandwich, and it's fun to say that you cook with blue Moon cheese! A lot of people ask me, do the spherical creatures that roll along the shores of the Riccolo Sea really taste like dill pickles? We first learned that these creatures were edible when Dr. Herschel spied a group of long-legged black and white cranes picking one apart with their oversized beaks. These odd creatures, when properly treated, do have a spicy, tangy taste, similar to dill pickles. If not for their rubbery texture, they'd be great on a sandwich. Let's talk tomatoes! Tomatoes originated in the Americas, but quickly found purchase in European soil. The British were convinced that they were poisonous, a myth they passed on to the early North American colonies. I like to use fresh Roma tomatoes. Sometimes I fear that using such a terrestrial ingredient will upset the Vespertilio men, but they taste great and are high in anti-oxidants. They make an excellent addition to my sandwich, especially since I slice them thinly to unlock the flavour and the genetic codes for all life hidden from the eyes of the living. Man alive, I love sandwiches!